


Mulder & Scully Meet the Sparkly Vampire

by babyphilewriter



Category: The X-Files, Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Crossover, F/M, Humor, Jokes, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 10:50:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10555084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babyphilewriter/pseuds/babyphilewriter
Summary: A joke crossover fic where Mulder & Scully are called to Forks Washington to investigate the supposed sparkly vampires and hot werewolves living amongst its citizens.





	

After a five-hour flight and a four hour long drive we had finally arrived to the small and miserable town of Forks, Washington. We stopped at the police station only to find out that the policeman who had called us in had already gone home for the day. I was hopeful that at least this meant we could call it a night and go to the hotel but of course Mulder had other plans. He got the policeman’s home address and next thing I knew we were driving to his house.  
I still couldn’t believe that Mulder had dragged me across the country to some nowhere town, because a crazy policeman had a hunch that there were vampires and werewolves hiding amongst its citizens. That’s right, no dead bodies, no attacks, just one crazy dude with a fucking hunch.  
Yet here I was willingly standing next to Mulder as he knocks on the door to Sheriff Swan’s house. It isn’t the sheriff who answers the door but his teenage daughter Bella, who looks just as miserable as I am. She asks in a vaguely annoyed voice who we are and we flash our IDs. She then asks what we are doing here and Mulder nonchalantly responds.  
“Your father contacted us about the possibility of vampires and werewolves living in your town.”.  
At this response, Bella’s face turns red and she quickly shuts the door. Mulder and I look at each other puzzled and then from the other side of the door we hear Bella yelling at what we assume to be her father,  
“Dad! What the fuck! You called the FBI! I told you, my boyfriend Edward and his family are nice vampires! They don’t suck human blood! And Jacob and his wolf pack are cool too! You are the worst!”  
Then the sound of footsteps running up the stairs. Once again, the door opens but this time it is the sheriff standing on the other side.  
“I am so sorry about that. My daughter is just going through a classic teenage rebellion faze. Please come in!”  
I reluctantly walk into the house with Mulder and sit on the couch. The sheriff serves us tea and tells us all about his crazy theories, Mulder is loving it. Upstairs I can hear Bella blasting some angsty rock music and I wish I could join her.  
After what feels like hours the sheriff finishes up telling us all about the family of hundred-year-old sparkly vampire family who have seduced his daughter and the pack of hot young werewolf dudes. Mulder and I finally leave and head for the hotel. The whole ride there Mulder continues talking about his excitement for the case and I try to ignore him.  
Once we get to the hotel Mulder asks me if I want to look over some files with him in his room but I reject his offer and head straight to bed. I lay in the crappy motel bed listening to the familiar sound of Mulder watching porn next door and eventually drift off to sleep.  
I am suddenly awoken a few hours later by a loud knock coming from the door next to mine, Mulder’s room. It is the middle of the night and so I know that something must be wrong. I quickly grab my gun and head out of my room. As I approach the door I see Mulder talking to a tall stranger. He does not seem in any immediate danger so I hide my gun and approach them.  
Mulder sees me coming and flashes a bright smile. I stand next to him and take in the stranger. He is tall, well built, handsome, and very pale. Mulder politely introduces me to the stranger,  
“Scully this is Edward, he is Bella’s boyfriend and a vampire. And Edward, this is Scully she is my…uhh…my partner.”  
I nod toward Edwards and he nods back but he does not have a kind look on his face,  
“I was just telling your partner that there is nothing for you to investigate here. My family is not dangerous. We only drink animal blood and would never kill anyone.”  
“Okay”, is all I manage to say in response. I really can’t believe that this man standing in front of us is actually a vampire. Mulder seems to need more proof as well and so he asks Edward if we can meet his family and if they can show us their vampire powers, and in exchange we will not investigate them any further and will leave Washington. Edward hesitates but eventually he gives in and much to my dismay we are soon in his car and on the way to meet the rest of his “vampire family”.  
The rest of Edward’s family was less brooding, surprisingly friendly and just as beautiful and pale. We sat in their fancy mansion for a while and learn about their lives for the last hundred years as vampires. I had to admit that it was quite the entertaining story and for the first time I found myself not feeling completely miserable. But even though they had convincing stories it was still not enough to fully convince either Mulder or myself and so we soon headed outside to play “baseball” which they assured us would leave us with no doubts about their vampiric nature.  
This was Mulder’s heaven and my personal hell, baseball with vampires. They ran around the bases so fast that you could barely see them and hit the ball so hard it would get lost in the woods. I quickly gave up and stood off to the side to watch but Mulder enjoyed playing, even though he was getting slaughtered by all the other players. I much more enjoyed watching in awe as these seemingly super humans did things that definitely defied science.  
I was so focused on the game that I didn’t notice that I was no longer the only person watching the game. A young and beautiful man wearing no shirt had emerged from the woods and was standing a few feet behind me also watching the game. Eventually I turned around and was shocked to see him,  
“Impressive isn’t it.”  
It took me a moment to recover from the shock before I was able to respond,  
“Yeah it is..ummm..who are you?”  
The young guy approached me and held out his hand.  
“I’m Jacob Black. I’m part of the local pack.”  
“Local Pack?”  
Instead of responding to my question, Jacob backed up a few steps from me and suddenly I was no longer looking at a man but a wolf!  
I reached into my back pocket for my gun but before I could pull it out the wolf was gone and I was once again looking at Jacob, the man.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”  
Once I got my breath back I was able to assure him that it was okay, but mildly terrifying.  
“So you’re a werewolf?”  
“Yeah.”  
“And are you friends with the vampires, I mean, the Cullens?”  
“Not really, but I am friends with Bella, Edward’s girlfriend.”  
Jacob then began to open up to me all about his tense relationship with the Cullens and his relationship with Bella. I was intrigued and so I continued asking him questions and soon I was also learning about how he was in love with Bella but had waited too long to tell her and now she was with Edward. It made me sad seeing how clearly still heartbroken Jacob was over his love for Bella. I imagined how I would feel if I waited too long to tell Mulder I loved him and he ran off with someone else. But I quickly had to banish this thought from my mind because it made me too overwhelmed with sadness.  
Once Jacob finished talking he transformed again into a wolf and escaped back into the woods. My focus shifted back to the baseball field to see that the game was now over and Mulder’s team had unsurprisingly lost. It was late, I was tired, and I was ready to return to the hotel to get some sleep before we would no doubt leave Forks the next day and return to DC. Maybe this was indeed an X-File but there was nothing more for us to investigate.  
Thankfully Mulder was ready to go soon as well and so we let Edward drive us back to our motel, thanked him for the night and both walked towards are separate rooms. But all the drive back I couldn’t stop thinking about what Jacob had told me, about how he had waited too long to tell Bella he loved her and how I didn’t want to make the same mistake with Mulder.  
“Mulder!” I called out to him as he was inserting his keycard into the door and walked over to him.  
“Yeah, Scully.” He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me with his gorgeous hazel eyes.  
“Since there is technically no case here that means we’re not on the clock anymore.”  
“I guess so.” Mulder clearly did not know where I was going with this so I continued.  
“So that means if we were to consort in the same hotel room, we wouldn’t be breaking FBI rules.”  
I could see a drastic shift in Mulder’s whole face, from exhaustion to excitement and, maybe I was just wishfully thinking, but possibly even desire.  
Instead of responding Mulder opened the door to his room and motioned for me to follow him in there. Once inside he asked me if I wanted to watch TV or something but I shook my head and said,  
“Mulder I don’t want to wait too long and lose my chance with you, like Jacob did with Bella.”  
Mulder was still confused, “What does that mean Scully?”  
I took a deep breath, “It means I want you to kiss me Mulder.”  
And so he did just that.


End file.
